All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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