It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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