I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
