he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
