My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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