I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
