she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Never underestimate the power of titties
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