if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
