just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
