the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
