Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
