tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
