Where did you get a picture of my penis
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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