I need to stop coming to work sober
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
