She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
accomplished twins. life is a go
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
