i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
