any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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