Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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