What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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