I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
