I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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