I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
