If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
