it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
