it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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