I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
