this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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