why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
