i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm passing your future prison.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
