That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
