I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
