Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
