census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
