Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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