i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
