margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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