Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
