My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
