hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
