Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
