did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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