I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My pussy is not your playground.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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