Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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