it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're a waste of cheezeits
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
