I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
