I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
