today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
