We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
