Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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