last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
