can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
