i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
