I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
