i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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