Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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