She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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