You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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