hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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