and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
