For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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