I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
