You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
