mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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