Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
