I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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