Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
