My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
