My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
