the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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