I am puke
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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