My brain says no but my pants say off.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
