Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize