I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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