Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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