i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
