can u get pink eye on your cock?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
