Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
