and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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