I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
