So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
