It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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