What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize